i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
