You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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