I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
