Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
