I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
