But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize