I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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