conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
