I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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