You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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