Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
