I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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