Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
