She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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