i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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