He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
