There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
