I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
