There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
