this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
