I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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