you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
