In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
