Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
