ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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