i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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