You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
