did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
