Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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