Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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