I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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