A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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