tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
