i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
