this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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