I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
