I think i peed on brittanys purse
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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