So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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