haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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