I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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