U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
