i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
