You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
