i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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