I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
