you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
