i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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