if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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