Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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