dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
