dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
