11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
