y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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