OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
