My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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