oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
