just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
