There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
