I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
