Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
