im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Don't make out with my wife yet
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
