no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
