I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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