I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
