My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
