return my video game
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize