your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
