Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
